Ash Wednesday

This morning I went to Ash Wednesday Mass, and now I am at a friends house.

Above is my friend Michelle, a friend from church. She is studying here at University.

I am happy I brought my camera today, as my and Michelle are having fun snapping photo's.

I brought it because Father Shinjo asked me to take photo's for the church website.

For lent, I will work on saying the Rosary everyday.

I usually only do it 2-3 times a week, including Sundays... when I remember.

I haven't done it at all since Satoshi died.

So this is my Lent goal.

Also, I am going to try to cut down on excess clothes shopping and unneeded trips to the salon, ect.

And, not drink as much as I usually do.

Not that I Drink lots, usually only 1-2 nights a week.

But I want to give up almost all alcohol.

I know I will probably drink a little wine here and there,

so I am giving up my weekly social drinking.

Arn't these beads beautiful?

They are mine, since I was a baby.

They have been my first and only Rosary beads.

They were a gift when I was baptised, though I never used them until I was much older.

I will work hard this lent, both emotionally and physically through my goals.

Visiting my Love

Today I traveled with Satoshi's Mother and Father, and his best friend from High School, to his grave site in his home village of Kiyakawa in Kanagawa prefecture, about 2 hours by car out of Tokyo.

This was the first time anyone visited since his first memorial in January.

We will also all go again during Obon in July.

I cried so much, the most since his death.

My eyes are still stinging, though at least the redness has gone down.

After we got back, I said goodbye to Satoshi's parents
and met a few friends for an early dinner and desert.


My friends say I am looking so despressed.
I am trying so hard to continue on normally,
but I cannot.
Oh lord, I miss him so much.
My heart cannot believe he is gone.

Lent

Lent is starting soon,

starting this Wednesday!

Oh how time goes by!

I still have no decided what I am to give up this year.

Last year I gave up excess clothes shopping as well as drinking any alcohol other than communion wine.

This year, maybe go completely vegan? I already can't eat meat on the fasting days,

and that will be a challenge for me like Lent should be.

Writing in a blog again is so strange.

It seems like a whole year has passed,

not only a month.

I am going to Satoshi's grave tomorrw,

first time since the funeral.

I'm going to take his favorite flowers,

I am sure he would enjoy that.

Dissapearance

On the evening of January 16th, 2009, my fiance Satoshi was driving hom from work and got into a terrible car accident.

On the morning of January 17th, he was pronounced deceased.

I have been in a terrible state, and have since de-activated my facebook account as well as turning away from my blog and all my friends.

I moved in with my parents, selling my apartment.

I have even since gone on a leave of work.

I am starting to get better, and ask for the help of my dear friends here to help me through this painful time.

Please pray for me.